Every Sailor Moon Monster of the Week, ranked by hotness: 40 - 11

40. SAILOR GUTS

Phage, Ep 174

Sailor Guts, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 174. He’s a big buff guy with short black hair and bright pink skin. He’s wearing a blue, white and yellow top with a large bow and angel wings on the mack, but it’s shaped so as to show off most of his midriff. He also has tiny black trunks, with white skirt-like sections on each side. He’s posing dramatically. What a king.

An icon! If you know one Phage, you know this guy. I’m always here for gender experimentation and non-traditional masculinity, so I’m into this even if I’m not often into super buff guys. Super buff ladies are a whole other thing though, keep that in mind for later.

39. PHARMAKON

Droid, Ep 78

Pharmakon, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 78. Do you like robot girls? If so, then you’re in luck, because she looks to be completely synthetic. She has lilac skin, red eyes and molded blue hair, and she wears a kind of translucent purple dress and a white nurse’s hat. One arm is a giant syringe, and the other is a giant scalpel.

Despite the name, most Droids aren’t especially… droid-like. In fact, they’re the most human-looking monster class. But luckily we have Pharmakon, a scary, shiny robot nurse. She made the syringe arm look cool three years before Sailor Doctor made it look crap. I really wish they’d leaned more into this kind of thing for more of the Droids.

38. TENKO

Lemures, Ep 134

Tenko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 134. Her skin is turquoise and she has chaotic red hair. She wears a yellow one-piece outfit with dangling yellow attachments, and a black and purple cape. She has large, round eyes with large eyelashes, earrings that look like keys, and a time bomb on her head. She’s leaning over with her arms out like she’s ready to pounce.

Despite sharing her name with that bleak show about the POW camp, Tenko might just nail the “cute” aesthetic better than any other Lemures. Definitely dateable, but don’t plan on any vacations because with that bomb on her head she’s not getting through airport security.

37. DOORKNOBDAR

Daimon, Ep 109

Doorknobdar, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 109. She has pale white skin, yellow eyes and red braided hair tied into buns that end in doorknobs. Also she has a doorknob on her forehead. Her outfit is black and orange, with locks attached, and spiked black shoulderpads. One of her arms is a giant set of lockpicks, and the other holds a large reinforced door made of metal panels.

Doorknobdar again, and she’s freaking out.

Who doesn’t love Doorknobdar? In trying to create a Daimon specializing in security, they ended up with a pacifist with no combat skills, who Sailor Moon killed mostly by accident. She’s a lovable loser with a punk aesthetic. I feel like we might have a lot in common. I also appreciate how she tries to sell Eudial out almost immediately. As much as Eudial is one of my favorite villains, she definitely had that coming.

36. SAILOR GEKISHA

Phage, Ep 175

Sailor Gekisha, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 175. She has green skin and eyes, and her outfit consists of red gloves, stockings and jacket with a white sailor collar, a reptilian hood and… oh wow, those swimsuit bottoms do not look comfortable. She also has a camera with a green lens attached to one sleeve

I like it when Phage have more to them than “This person became the embodiment of their job” and Sailor Gekisha fits the bill, becoming a photographer… lizard? Is there some kind of lizard pun going on here? I guess gecko has a few sounds in common with gekisha, I’m not completely sure, but it’s a very cute look, and I especially like the hoodie.

35. AVOGADORA

Droid, Ep 66

Avogadora, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 66. She has brown skin and spiky, dark green hair, adorned with a red flower. She has a fairly minimal orange bra, a bunch of bananas on her shoulder, and a skirt with the appearance of green leaves. Yeah, she’s honestly cute in isolation, but I’m still vaguely uncomfortable.

I feel like there’s a chance that this monster is culturally insensitive, but boy am I unqualified to make that call. But there is something elegant about this Carmen Miranda of monsters, even if, like a lot of Droids, she mostly resembles a human in an unusual outfit.

34. U-CHOUTEN

Daimon, Ep 119

U-Chouten, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 119. Oh boy, this is gonna be challenging to describe. She has pale white skin and green hair. On her head, she wears a gold helmet with red feathers protruding from it. Two red, star shaped pasties cover her boobs, but apparently not decisively enough for Cartoon Network. As for her lower half, she has an enormous star positioned over her crotch, and there’s more red feathers behind it, so there may be some semblance of a skirt there, at least at the back.

U-Chouten now has a planetarium’s projector sticking out of her head. Aside from that, her outfit is still the kind of thing to give American network executives palpitations.

Back when Cloverway was trying to make Sailor Moon’s gay-ass third season suitable for 90s Cartoon Network, they hit a snag with U-Chouten. Deemed too hot for TV, her episode was skipped over. In this era of censorship, we should all try to be a bit more like U-Chouten.
This episode getting skipped over on the first airing must have made for a weird viewing experience, given that this is the episode that establishes who Sailor Saturn is and what her deal is.

33. RYUAX

Droid, Ep 82

Ryuax, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 82. She has pale skin and bluish turquoise hair. She’s wearing an ornate cloche hat with a gold crest on the front and a large feather coming out of it. Her dress is white and pink with black lining and a split at the front of the skirt. It has a pattern resembling distorted clock hands.

Be still my gay heart, I cannot resist a flapper. Her whole aesthetic is just incredible. Look at her, she looks like she regularly scandalizes polite society by piloting a biplane and flouting the Eighteenth Amendment. Though ideally not at the same time, that would be bad.
I don’t have as much of a problem with Ryuax having time powers as I did with Ramua, because the Black Moon do at least seem to have developed time travel independently, and they’re obviously not gonna care about the Moon Kingdom’s prohibition of it. Ryuax hates Prohibition, in fact.

32. MIZUGEIKO

Lemures, Ep 136

Mizugeiko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 136. She has pale skin with geisha-esque makeup, and black hair done up in an elaborate style. She’s wearing a green and purple kimono that’s hanging oven at the front, and she’s seated in an inverted red and purple umbrella that’s levitating above the ground.

Mizugeiko again, but now she’s posing with imagery resembling The Great Wave Off Kanagawa behind her, with her kimono bunched up around her legs, and wearing sujiguma kabuki makeup, which is very male-coded.

I’m probably missing some cultural references here, but Mizugeiko definitely sets off my Gender alarm. Her default form is geisha-like, but she can also adopt this much more masc appearance, complete with sujiguma kabuki makeup. Mizugeiko? More like Mizu-gay-coded.
It’s so weird to me that geisha have come to represent a mysterious, distant, tradition-bound version of Japan in the western consciousness, when traditionally geisha were anything but those things. In contrast to the highly traditional and genuinely unapproachable (but still cool) oiran, geisha were the friendly, relatable and modern girls you could relax around. Can you tell this topic is a special interest of mine?

31. DO KANKO

Lemures, Ep 130

Do Kanko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 130. She has pale white skin and is wearing a blue outfit with a bullet-shaped hat. Her outfit also contains multiple metal pieces, including a bullet-shaped bra. She’s standing next to a large cannon.

Do Kanko is a human (ish) cannonball. She lights a fuse on a giant cannon and then quickly jumps inside to get shot out of it like she’s in a Kirby game. I’m always here for a daredevil, and I’m always here for a literal bullet bra, so Do Kanko checks a lot of my boxes.

30. STEERING

Daimon, Ep 92

Steering, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 92. She has pink skin and green hair, and wears a blue racing outfit with a helmet and a red scarf. She has a glass panel over her chest, wheels and axles connected to her shoulders and hips, with wing mirrors on her elbows and exhaust pipes wrapped around her waist and running parallel to her legs. She’s holding a steering wheel that’s attached to nothing.

Steering is now lying on her back, and functioning as an actual car. She has the steering wheel held out in front of her.

Boob windows? Pathetic. Steering has a boob windshield. I love this Daimon. She does her own car noises despite, you know, already being a car. She's an early Daimon and really feels like a milestone in the show’s monster design, she has so many design elements but it all just sort of works. The best part is her ability to function as a vehicle: I love that some character designer had to figure out how to make this monster roadworthy. Come to think of it, Ikuhara directed this one, right? This wouldn’t be his only exploration of the continuum between girls and cars.

29. SOIYA

Daimon, Ep 103

Soiya, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 103. She has turquoise skin, white makeup on her face, and spiked red hair. She’s wearing white binding with a purple happi and headband, plus a festival mask on the side of her head. She has a taiko drum secured in front of her and is holding her hands above it.

Okay, I had to include this picture of Soiya getting the full force of the Pink Sugar Heart attack. She’s on her knees and despairing as Sailor Chibi Moon, in the distance, aims a stream of pink hearts at her ass. It is not a dignified sight.

I like Soiya. She’s one of the Daimons who are just super into their hobby: she just wants to drum. She’s a punk taiko drummer and very dedicated to her art. She’s also the first victim of my favorite running gag, the Pink Sugar Heart Attack. Go get her, girl.

28. MAWASHITAROU

Lemures, Ep 143

Mawashitarou, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 143. He has pink skin and black hair, and he’s wearing a very buff gray pegasus costume. The pegasus is bipedal, with hooves for hands and red trunks with a spade symbol on. Mawashitarou’s head is sticking out of the pegasus’ neck.

Fisheye’s Lemures are either “Living nightmare” or “Hottest guy you’ve ever seen” and we’ve at last hit the second group. And I’m not gonna suggest you get with anyone just because of money, but Mawashitarou must be seriously rich to have commissioned that fursuit. This is another cosplay I’d really like to see. Perhaps at a Pride parade.

27. GIWAKU

Droid, Ep 80

Giwaku, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 80. She has pink skin and red hair, with two curled antennae sprouting from her head. She wears a black outfit and has a green gem in her chest. She’s shrugging and surrounded by question marks.

Giwaku again, annoyed and seen from above.

Let’s not gatekeep this gaslighting girlboss. Giwaku has a cute bug aesthetic, but she’s an expert in playing on your insecurities, so a relationship could be psychologically risky. Though you’re immune to her powers if you’re used to being insulted, so maybe I’d be fine.
Actually, as entertaining as it was to learn that Sailor Moon was mostly immune to Giwaku’s power, it does carry some unpleasant implications about her home life. We’ve seen her family members being mean to her from time to time and now I’m wondering if it’s a more sustained thing than it seems. Ugh, sorry to get serious in the home stretch of the monster thirst project. Moving on.

26. TOBIHANERU

Lemures, Ep 148

Tobihaneru, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 148. He’s a moderately buff guy with pale white skin and floppy orange hair. He’s wearing a red top that’s basically a large red cutout spade shape, black trunks and lilac tights. He’s also wearing a white top hat and a white jacket with red sleeves.

Tobihaneru has now lost the jacket, exposing the full glory of his weird red spade shirt thing, and he’s trampolining with a reluctant Sailor Moon and Chibi Moon.

It’s another hot guy, courtesy of Fisheye! We actually didn’t end up seeing a ton of Tobihaneru because the focus of his episode is squarely on Fisheye getting shot down by Mamoru. Tobihaneru is really into trampolining, which is one of those sports that sits at the intersection of “not traditionally masculine” and “surprisingly dangerous” along with cheerleading and roller derby. So… yay for danger? You know, while they’re a 50/50 split between hot and horrifying, Fisheye’s Lemures do seem like the kind of people who’d hang out with Fisheye. Except Shuffle Furuo, I think they let him stick around because they feel sorry for him.

25. MISHA
24. JANELYN

Youma, Ep 39

Janelyn and Misha, aka Zoyrin Geller, Youma from Sailor Moon episode 39. We have Janelyn, the woman, on the left, and Misha, the man, on the right. They both have pale white skin. Janelyn has short blonde hair, and her outfit consists of a red top, headband, gloves and bottoms, with a white skirt worn asymmetrically. She also has green things over her ears with twisty antennae coming off them. Misha has long green hair, and wears a black tuxedo with a red cape.

Here they are, the couple who saw you from across the bar and really dig your vibe. As a trans woman I have an instinctual fear of het couples looking for a third, but maybe I’m being too hard on these two. They are pretty, but I remain suspicious. They’re a figure skating duo, at least when they’re not being Youma. As Youma they use their skills for violence in a manner reminiscent of that one ice skating couple from Ranma. And this is a sport where everyone comes equipped with blades; weaponizing it isn’t the most far-fetched idea.
There’s some weirdness with the names of these monsters: they’re the only ones not to get new names once they’re no longer human. There is this term, Zoyrin Geller, that seems to refer to them collectively, but nobody knows what its origins are, let alone how to parse it in the Latin alphabet. I remember someone hypothesized it’s actually both of their surnames put together, like it’s the name of their act. But yeah. I’m never sure how to refer to these two.

23. HEBIHANABIKO

Lemures, Ep 135

Hebihanabiko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 135. She has pale white skin and short blonde hair. She’s wearing a black dress, and her lower body is just a long stretched shadow as she flies towards the viewer.

Hebihanabiko again, this time straddling a gray statute-like pegasus. Well, not actually straddling because she doesn’t have legs.

A snake lady? I’m listening. A short haired snake lady whose body is actually a long shadow creeping up from the ground? Now you have my attention. Living shadows are just cool (see also Paper Mario’s Vivian) and Hebihanabiko just has this delightfully creepy vibe. I do find her design intriguing, because there is some evidence that the Lemures are either living shadows or at least come from shadows, but this show rarely delves too deeply in the exact nature of its monsters.

22. U-TAHIME

Daimon, Ep 114

U-Tahime, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 114. She has green skin, red eyes and short blue hair. She wears a purple dress with a lilac cape and sleeves, and has a hat resembling a metal microphone. She’s looking very earnestly at the viewer.

U-Tahime is laughing with that “Hand behind the head” pose that anime characters have when they’re a bit embarrassed. Mimete is nearby looking annoyed.

I like this monster, she’s so earnest. Maybe U-Tahime’s a bit conventional for a monster this high in the rankings, but she’s definitely cute, and I have a soft spot for monsters who are just plain bad at their jobs. She seems like she’d be a perfectly pleasant person to date, just a nightmare to work with.

21. TSUNAWATAROU

Lemures, Ep 137

Tsunawatarou, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 137. He has dark green skin and light green hair, and his outfit consists of white tights and black shorts held up with… suspenders? I think that’s what you call them in America? Braces, if you’re British. He also has a weird little hat. He’s clinging to a vertical red pole that’s standing on its end.

Tsunawatarou in closeup. He’s now holding the pole horizontally and has an orange blindfold decorated with sleeping eyes.

There are monsters on this list to cater to every taste… but twinks are shockingly underrepresented. Luckily here’s Tsunawatarou to end the twink drought. I don’t know about the hat, but I like a man who’s comfortable in tights, and that lipstick is on point.

20. POLLUX
19. CASTOR

Youma, Ep 21

Castor and Pollux, Youma from Sailor Moon episode 21. Castor’s on the left and Pollux is on the right. Castor has orange skin, mauve hair and a magenta outfit. Pollux has pinkish-gray skin, gray skin and a green outfit. They also have tails, which you can’t see here, and when they’re getting on well, their tails are wrapped around each other. You know, like gals who are also pals.

In Roman mythology, Castor and Pollux are half-brothers, but these two may not be related; we’re told they have a “strong friendship.” Hmm. I guess we don’t know if they’re full-on roommates, but their episode already has a lot of unspoken gay energy.
Also… They look like Urd from Oh My Goddess. That’s not just me, right? In any case, I feel like trying to date just one of these two would be asking for trouble. The more realistic option is to date both at the same time, but you’d need to be comfortable with being… ignored, shall we say.

18. U-PASOKON

Daimon, Ep 120

U-Pasokon, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 120. She has bright pink skin and green spiky hair. Her outfit is made out of 1995 computer parts: her top is a white CRT monitor and she wears white mice on her shoulders. She also has black goggles that she isn’t currently wearing, and an earpiece with an attached microphone.

U-Pasokon is now wearing her black goggles, and flinging floppy discs as weapons.

Look at this Windows 3.1-ass weirdo. Forget your fawning AI girlfriend: I’m dating a computer from 30 years ago who disparages me for using a browser that displays pictures. The main downside would be maintenance of whatever weird proprietary parts they used in 1995. Like, look at that cable going into the back of her monitor. I guarantee that’s some kind of insane 53-pin connector that was standard between January and February of 1995 in parts of Belgium.

17. MINOTAURON

Cardian, Ep 48

Minotauron, a Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 48. She has light blue skin, red eyes and brown hair. She has large white bull horns on her head, wears animal skulls on her shoulders, and her form-fitting outfit is orange. Or maybe that’s just fur, she’s kind of riding that line, furry-wise.

She’s a bull. She’s a she. Yay trans representation? Long ago I drew some Monsters of the Week, and I got a long comment on my Minotauron picture that was someone’s detailed fantasy of hooking up with her. It was simultaneously horny but also oddly formal? Like, I think the term “consort” was used at one point. There was a strange kind of wholesomeness to it. So... weird, but I guess at this point I’m no-one to talk.

16. CHIRAL
15. ACHIRAL

Droids, Ep 81

Chiral, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 81. He has pale skin, long light blue hair, and wears a dark blue sleeveless undershirt. He has the inverted crescent symbol of the Black Moon on his forehead.

Achiral, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 81. He looks a lot like Chiral, but he has brown skin, long pink hair, and his undershirt is white.

It’s the twin himbos. Twinbos? Like half the Droids they kinda just look like regular people, so I’m torn, because they aren’t great as monsters but they are very cute. I’m pretty sure they aren’t even Droids in the manga, they’re just two guys. Achiral gets the higher spot because I like the pink hair, but… I dunno, there’s something about these guys that just radiates vanilla energy. Like, “stopping halfway through to consult the diagram in their high school textbook” level of vanilla.
“Chiral” and “Achiral” are terms relating to geometry that have a lot of applications in chemistry. An object is chiral if it’s not identical to its mirror image - a common example given is a human hand. An achiral object, like a sphere, is identical to its mirror image. Molecules also fall into one of these two categories, and yeah, before she made Sailor Moon, Naoko Takeuchi was a chemist… which explains why so many of her characters were named after weird tellurides or silicates or antimony sulfides.

14. AKUMUDA

Droid, Ep 69

Akumuda, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 69. She has light blue skin, short, dark blue hair, and a green and black outfit. She also has a yellow and green horn coming out of her forehead, which she’s grasping.

Akumuda now has a glowing short sword, the hilt of which is the horn that was previously attached to her forehead. In its place is… just a very, very vagina-shaped opening.

So Akumuda has a horn, but the horn is actually the hilt of a big knife, and when she removes the knife she’s left with what I can only describe as a… head vagina? Some very niche kink implications there, I guess. And I don’t really know how to feel about that, but she is also very hot, so I guess I’m a perplexed “Yes”?

13. CAMERAN

Youma, Ep 17

Cameran, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 17. She has pale lilac skin, long dark blue hair swept over one shoulder, and an asymmetric purple outfit. Her shoulders both flare out into long… protrusions? It’s honestly hard to describe what’s happening with her shoulders but it’s very unusual. Her hand is a camera, and has an eyeball on the palm, as well as glowing spikes coming out of her wrist that I guess are some kind of reflector/lamp deal.

Yes, she has really weird shoulders. Yes, she has a hand-eyeball. But I really, really like her mean goth vibe. I could totally make it work. Though she is a camera monster who can produce polaroids at will, so we’d probably need to have a conversation about privacy.
She can trap people in pictures by photographing them, and Sailor Moon messes her up by tricking her into photographing herself. When this happens, there are a few brief frames where you can see the eyeball pop right out of Cameran’s hand, which might be one of the most gruesome things ever seen in an episode of Sailor Moon.

12. SAILOR OJOU

Phage, Ep 178

Sailor Ojou, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 178. She has pale white skin and very long pink hair. She’s wearing a red dress with lilac stockings and purple high heels, and she also has shades that she’s not currently wearing and are sitting on her head. She’s seen from below, and she’s got one knee raised while she does the ojousama laugh. O-ho-ho-ho!

Sailor Ojou, again seen from below, but now she’s no longer wearing the dress and is instead in dark blue… lingerie? And she has a red whip. As we rapidly approach the top ten it’s getting harder and harder for me to describe these monsters in a neutral way, my goodness.

Okay, look. Of course I’m into this. The ojousama/dominatrix combo is laser targeted at me. There’s a reason Ayeka was my favorite character in Tenchi Muyo. Oh, and speaking of which… Sailor Ojou and Ayeka even share the same voice actor. Just take me now.

11. NEKONNERU

Daimon, Ep 91

Nekonneru, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 91. She has purple skin - or is that fur? - and black hair. She also has black cat ears and a purple tail with a black tip. Her dress is white with orange and black spots.

Just missing out on the Top 10 is the sole catgirl on this list… and the other monster on this list that I’ve seen actual porn of. Obviously I love a catgirl, but Nekonneru is an unusual one - she’s the fusion of a Daimon egg and a cat jigsaw. Kind of the 90s version of a living cat meme. As an aficionado of catgirls, I have to say that Sailor Tin Nyanko is number one in Sailor Moon, but Nekonneru’s a worthy opponent.