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Every Sailor Moon Monster of the Week, ranked by hotness: 70 - 41

70. MYSTERY CARDIAN

Cardian, Ep 57

The Mystery Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 57. So this one is just… illustrated on one of the cards Ail and An use to summon Cardians. She has turquoise skin and orange hair styled like a large crescent moon. She wears a pink outfit which, now that I look at it, looks kinda like the one worn by Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls.

Somehow reaching number 70, it’s the Cardian we barely see. The episode starts right as she gets Moon Princess Halationed, so all we have is this illustration. But since this is animation and everything’s an illustration, I feel justified saying she’s kinda hot. She just has a really fun look and I’m frustrated that this was the one time Sailor Moon fought a monster with moon powers, and we missed the whole thing.

69. MARZIPAN

Droid, Ep 76

Marzipan, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 76. She has brown skin, red eyes and star-shaped turquoise hair. Most of her clothing seems to be made of cake decorations. This includes pink sugar roses and a bra that looks like two of those white swirly things. Also she has donuts for earrings, that’s probably my favorite bit of this whole design.

Here we go with the food again. In this case, I think it’s just her clothes that are food. Maybe her hair, if that’s a wig. So maybe that’s fine if your focus is on sexy times, but I just don’t want her sitting on my couch if she’s wearing a thong made of cake or whatever.

68. AMADERASU

Cardian, Ep 53

Amaderasu, a Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 53. She has lilac skin and dark blue hair, but overall she looks very human. Her outfit is red and yellow with a blue belt, and I do like the way the yellow of her robe fades from a solid color to more translucent near the bottom.

Amaderasu is pretty bland, which is surprising given that she’s inspired by the similarly-named Shinto deity. She was sent to steal energy from babies, and ethics aside, do you really need a monster for that? They’re babies, their self defense skills are notoriously poor.

67. SNOW DANCERS

S movie

The Snow Dancers from the Sailor Moon S movie. They’re completely white, and their hair more resembles fluttering cloth. There are three of them in this picture, flying diagonally downwards.

These are Snow Kaguya’s minions, and they do indeed seem to be made of snow. Supposedly these were inspired by a sculpture that Naoko Takeuchi liked, by the Dutch artist Theo Vos. They’re pretty and all, but yeah, the snow thing is giving me pause. That’s going to present significant challenges to a relationship unless you have an unusually low body temperature.

66. DAIHEART

Daimon, Ep 95

Daiheart, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 95. She has pale white skin and red hair. Kind of merged into her hair is a large… hat, I guess, consisting of large purple and yellow hearts. The purple heart has an arrow through it. Her outfit is black, with a large orange heart-shaped piece on the front. She has a black star mark on her cheek.

Deploying a heart-themed monster against Sailor Moon of all people is an interesting tactic. Daiheart is reasonably cute, but she’s overshadowed by her subordinates, generic hot guys who entice victims with the immortal line: “Let’s dancing.” You can’t say no to that.

65. BINAH

Youma, Ep 28

Binah, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 28. She has pale green skin and long black hair. She has large white angel wings, and her outfit is pink and lilac, with golden half-loops over each shoulder. This design is pleasant enough but I’d have preferred a flaming wheel covered in eyes, or something like that.

We’ve had Shinto, Buddhist and Christian monsters… How about some Judaism? Binah is (probably) named for the third sephira of the Kabbalah, though her angelic appearance is quite a bit less alarming than the more typical Jewish depictions of angels.

64. AUTOBIKO

Lemures, Ep 142

Autobiko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 142. She has blue skin and wears a blue helmet. Her eyes, visible through the helmet’s visor, look like speedometers. She has a white dress, gloves, boots and scarf, with turquoise-colored padding on her shoulders, elbows and knees. She’s riding inside a giant black wheel. It’s Autobiko again, this time seen from the front and further away. We see the large wheel from the front, with Autobiko riding it while leaning out of it. One detail I appreciate is the headlight, which is just hovering at the front of the wheel.

Autobiko makes for some intriguing visuals. Just look at the second image, that could certainly be misinterpreted without the proper context. I like the kind of old-timey motorist vibe and speedometer eyes, and the giant wheel she rides around on is… unorthodox, but there’s something to be said for a partner with their own transportation.

63. SAILOR BURI

Phage, Ep 173

Sailor Buri, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 173. She has pale white skin and red hair. Her top is pink, and she wears a yellow skirt as well as a yellow sailor collar. She also has a hood that looks like a fish head, and a fish-like tail. She’s wearing red lipstick and has prominent pink blush on her cheeks.

Sailor Buri is definitely cute, but I think there’s such a thing as too much makeup. She has a whole tuna thing going on, and I guess this isn’t as unintuitive a combination as it seems, because I searched for tuna-themed idols and got multiple results.

62. BAKKONKO
61. GITTANKO

Lemures, Ep 141

Bakkonko and Gittanko, Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 141. They have pale white skin, and they both wear shiny bodysuits with hoods and large shoulders. Bakkonko, on the left, is very short and her outfit is pink. Gittanko, on the right, is much taller and her outfit is black.

I was torn for a bit on whether to exclude Bakkonko from this list, but I’m pretty sure she’s intended to be an adult, just a very short adult. Hopefully that’s an acceptable judgement call. This list would be a really dumb thing to be cancelled over.
In any case, this duo is mostly ranked this high due to Gittanko. The combination of white face, huge shoulders and shiny black outfit reminds me of the queer New Wave icon Klaus Nomi, and as an aficionado of queer history trivia, I just have to pile on some points based on that alone.

60. ONIWABANDANA

Youma, Ep 43

Oniwabandana, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 43. She has pale, slightly greenish skin, and pale brown hair. She’s a pretty typical ninja - her outfit is black, she wears a mask that covers her mouth, and she has a red bandana. She also has a sword on her back.

Banban, that’s what she says. That’s the main thing about her. I’m extremely here for the evil ninja monster thing. I guess my main critique would be that there’s nothing that monstrous about her. Like, she’s pretty much just a regular ninja. She can melt through the floor and stuff but I think that’s a canon ninja power.

59. SEIREN

Cardian, Ep 54

Seiren, a Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 54. She has a pale white and blue body, pattern a bit like an orca, and instead of legs she has fins and a fish tail. Her hair is bright pink, and in this image it’s tied back and looks short, but when unleashed, it’s long and prehensile.

Not to be confused with the delightful season 5 villain of the same name, Seiren is a flying mermaid siren. It’s actually really cool that they incorporated both the bird and mermaid representations of sirens! The prehensile hair is cool too. She also has a knockout gas kind of ability, which is super handy when, say, certain people need to transform in public.Yeah, I really enjoy this design.

58. DAHLIAN

Flower Youma, R movie

Dahlian, Flower Youma from the Sailor Moon R movie. There’s a whole bunch of them. They have pale green skin and long blue hair, and their tops consist of black and pink cups with huge brown shoulder coverings. Their lower bodies are green and snake-like. Yeah, I probably should have led with the snake thing.

There are three types of Flower Youma in the R movie, and they all share similar upper bodies. Dahlian are these snake-bodied monsters who live on Fiore’s asteroid-spacecraft-thing. They attack in large numbers, so I guess you’d need to be on board with polyamory.

57. CAMPANULA

Flower Youma, R movie

Campanula, a Flower Youma from the Sailor Moon R movie. Her upper body is very similar to the Dahlian: pale green skin and long blue hair, but her top is black and purple this time, and the shoulder guards have large spikes. She also has insect-like wings and blades coming out of her elbows. You can’t really see her lower body here, since she’s flying head-on at the viewer, but her lower half is pretty much human, unlike the other Flower Youma.

Campanula seem to be the aerial defense for Fiore’s asteroid, so they can fly around in space. This seems impressive until you remember that just about everyone in this movie can hang out on an asteroid in space with no negative effects.

56. GLYCINA

Flower Youma, R movie

Glycina, a Flower Youma from the Sailor Moon R movie. Once again, she has the same upper body as Dahlian - pale green skin and long blue hair, with the top consisting of black and pink cups plus the big brown shoulder guards. Her lower body, however, has green, crablike legs, and she has multiple prehensile vines where arms would more typically be.

Glycina’s the strongest and most plant-like of the Flower Youma, and the one that gives the main characters the most trouble, which is interesting as she’s also the first to appear. Well, I guess Xenian is also technically a Flower Youma, but she’s also a main villain, so she’s not appearing on this list… which has saved me from having to assess the attractiveness of a very tiny parasitic flower lady. I’m genuinely unsure where that would end up on this list. As for Glycina, the crab legs and vine arms are horrifying on one level… but I’m kind of into it. I guess alien plant monsters have the potential to be pretty hot. Maybe someone should do something with that.

55. OTEDAMAKO

Lemures, Ep 131

Otedamako, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 131. She hs light turquoise skin and purple hair, with a red diamond painted on her face. She’s wearing a red top with yellow spikes, and large pink bracelets that look spherical. She’s cheerfully juggling several flaming clubs.

I initially wasn’t sure what to say about this one. She… juggles? Oh, but then. Then I noticed the boob spikes. Hell yeah. That makes a statement, and it’s practical! I need to acquire an outfit like this. It’s nice to find someone who shares your aesthetic.

54. U-ESTERN

Daimon, Ep 112

U-Estern, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 112. She has turquoise skin and lilac hair, with a red arrow painted on her cheek. She’s wearing a sombrero-like hat with a large cactus on top, and a brown poncho over a pink outfit with dark brown sleeves. U-Estern is now riding a white horse, and firing a green pistol that shoots blue liquid.

Professor Tomoe fused a Daimon egg with a gun, and to nobody’s surprise, he got an American Daimon. U-Estern may seem like a crude stereotype, but I’ve lived here 14 years, and this is what Americans are really like. Honestly, I’m so used to it now that I don’t hate it, and quite honestly, she’s among the better case scenarios for a Daimon created from a gun. That could have been VERY scary. She’s the first of the cormorant-type Daimons, whose names all begin with “u”, the Japanese for cormorant. Sometimes this results in a pun, sometimes it doesn’t, but I recall someone hearing her name as US-tan, which… also works, actually.

53. SAILOR GAMER

Phage, Ep 191

Sailor Gamer, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 191. She has turquoise skin, which feels like a pattern recently, and white hair. Her outfit is red and black, with large bat wings, and a pink helmet kind of thing that doesn’t really cover her head so much as frame her face.

To the anger of many an internet man, Sailor Gamer is a woman! I like her look, she almost looks like she’s from another show. I’m curious: Is the monster who epitomizes gamers really good at games? Or does she just say slurs in voice chat? I hope it’s the first one.
This design is really interesting because there’s no super direct video game inspiration - she doesn’t have controllers stuck to her sleeves or a hat that looks like a PC Engine or whatever. Instead, she looks more like she could be a video game character, which is a much more creative take on the Phage concept. She also looks like she could be a Cutie Honey character, which is fitting given that a bunch of Sailor Moon’s staff were about to start work on Cutie Honey Flash once the season was done.

52. SUZURAN
51. GRAPE
50. HOUSENKA

Youma, Ep 24

Suzuran, Grape and Housenka, Youma from Sailor Moon episode 24. These are three girls, all with pale skin and wearing similar outfits with leafy accents and masks covering their mouths. On the left is Suzuran, who has long black hair and a light green outfit. In the middle is Grape, with shorter brown hair and a purple and lilac outfit. Then on the right there’s Housenka, with purple and red hair and a magenta, green and yellow outfit.

Now we’re talking. This is Zoisite’s hit squad, who took out Nephrite when he was creeping on an underage girl. Admittedly, that wasn’t why they took him out, but I’ll take it. The Naru/Nephrite thing wasn’t cute, it was weird and gross. These monsters are all loosely plant themed: Suzuran is lily of the valley, Housenka is balsam and Grape is… well… grape. Grape’s the one in pink and black, Suzuran’s the one in green, and Housenka, the best one, is the one with the asymmetrical outfit and very queer two-tone hair.
There’s a handful of monsters on this list who’ve killed someone, but I think these are the only monsters to have killed someone permanently (the victims of the DD Girls and Mister Magic Pierrot got better). And since it was Nephrite, I straight up love these girls.

49. FURAIKI

Droid, Ep 64

Furaiki, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 64. She has light gray skin and long hair that’s very pale green, almost white. She has a thin horn coming up from the top of her head, and red and blue lightning bolts painted over each eye. Her outfit is black, and she has red and blue bracelets, while wielding red and blue drumsticks. She has a large drum positioned in front of her.

Furaiki is definitely in a punk band on the weekends. In an allusion to the Shinto thunder god Raijin, her thing is drumming to create lightning, and I love the detail of the postive/negative makeup and power jacks as drumsticks. I’m definitely a fan. On the other hand, the electricity theming is cool, but this thunder and lightning themed Droid was deployed primarily to frighten a child who was scared of thunderstorms, which just feels like one of the less prestigious jobs a monster can be assigned.

48. BONNON

Genius Loci, Ami's First Love

Bonnon, a Genius Loci from Sailor Moon: Ami's First Love. She has pale skin, and yellow, pink and purple hair in two huge pigtails. Her outfit is orange, pink and red, and exposes most of her midriff. She’s surrounded by a shower of love letters.

This list’s sole Genius Loci (it was more of a thing in the manga), Bonnon is super entertaining, though she does unfortunately fall into the category of monsters who just look like regular people with unusual hair. Her main thing seems to be throwing love letters at you, which then… make you stupid? As metaphors go, this isn’t subtle.

47. HURDLER

Daimon, Ep 106

Hurdler, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 106. She has pink skin and purple hair, and really, the main thing to know about her is that her top is a giant running shoe. The rest of her outfit has black and white stripes, and she has a line striping machine on her back. You know, one of those things they use to paint the white lines on running tracks?

Once again I’m trying not to let my thoughts on the episodes influence my ranking of the monsters, but Hurdler does appear in my favorite episode. She just feels like the quintessential Daimon. This would be a great cosplay, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do it.

46. SAILOR LEAGUER

Phage, Ep 187

Sailor Leaguer, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 187. She’s another pink sports gal, but this time we’re doing baseball. She wears a blue helmet, and a red and blue baseball outfit with padding on one shoulder and a spike on the other. Her look also incorporates a number of large baseballs, some of them forming a long ponytail kind of thing coming down from her helmet, and two more as part of her top, sitting on her boobs. This is the kind of absence of subtlety I enjoy in my monster designs. She has a freakishly large catcher’s mitt on one hand, and it’s oddly sinister looking.

I know absolutely nothing about baseball but I’m a sucker for a bright pink sports gal, so I’m just gonna roll with this and assume the depiction of baseball here is 100% accurate. Sailor Leaguer definitely stands out as one of the few Phage to actually be cute.

45. AYATORIKO

Lemures, Ep 151

KeroKero Musume, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 151. To begin with, she’s a floating, chubby black tadpole with cutesy eyes and a large red bow, but a second set of eyes is visible inside her mouth. KeroKero Musume has now achieved her true form, a yellow skinned, green haired frog lady. She wears green and black shorts, long orange gloves with webbed fingers, and a pink shirt with a frog face on it. A very long tongue is extending from the frog’s mouth.

It’s so hard to find good pictures of this monster, she has so little screentime. KeroKero Musume starts out as what looks like a tadpole disguised as a slightly different tadpole. You often see tadpoles associated with music in Japan, as the same word is used to mean tadpole and musical note. Then she becomes a frog girl who can shoot a long tongue out of her chest. Okay, I can work with that.

44. CHAGAMA

Daimon, Ep 104

Chagama, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 104. She has green skin and wears a pink kimono with a grown layer over the top. She has a large tea whisk on her head, which obscures her eyes. She’s kneeling on a purple cushion which is rocketing along the ground at high speed, and she’s mixing up some matcha at the same time. She’s just really keen to do tea ceremony stuff, guys. Chagama’s about to be hit by the Moon Spiral Heart Attack, but she’s spending her final moments gettin’ naked. She’s shed her kimono to reveal appropriately tea ceremony themed underwear that seems to be made of metal braziers.

A lot of Daimons don’t seem evil so much as they’re super focused on their special interests, and I respect that. Chagama just really wants to drink tea. She’s also very committed to being a good host, and if that involves stripping off down to her metal brazier underwear, then so be it. I’ll leave concocting a suitable brazier/brassiere pun as an exercise for the reader.

43. CHIKUON

Daimon, Ep 108

Chikuon, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 108. She has turquoise skin and wears a white eighteenth century-style wig. She’s wearing a blue and turquoise ballgown decorated with dark blue roses, and she has a large red domino mask, masquerade ball style. A closer view of Chikuon once she’s shed the outer layer of her outfit. Her actual hair resembles carved wood, and the wood theme continues with her outfit. She has a large gramophone mechanism coming off one side of her body, with the turntable resting on her shoulder. Her eyes also have multiple horizontal black lines resembling musical staffs. Staves? I’m British but live in America and I’m absolutely unclear on whether “staves” is purely a British English thing, or an acceptable way to pluralize “staff” in this context in American English. Hi, alt text readers. I hope this is a fulfilling experience.

I love Chikuon’s whole vibe, from the masquerade ball disguise to the weird musical staff eyes. There’s something to be said for the warm sound of vinyl, and Chikuon makes me realize I want the voice training that makes me sound like an old vinyl record.

42. OSOUJI

Daimon, Ep 94

Osouji, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 94. She has turquoise skin, as do half the monsters on this list, apparently. She also has orange eye shadow and pink makeup that’s oddly only on the sides of her face. So, she was made from a novelty elephant vacuum cleaner, and that is everywhere in her design. Her helmet is the cheerful elephant head, with the hose-trunk going back over her shoulder. Her outfit looks like molded plastic and incorporates two additional hoses, one over each boob, which also go back over her shoulders. There’s also what’s likely a power indicator or switch on her chest, and two pink wheels on her hips. One arm is transformed into a vacuum cleaner’s pipe and brush. I feel like there should be a better name for those parts, but multiple diagrams are assuring me that’s what they’re called. She also has a rose sticking out of her helmet. New data acquired: Tuxedo Mask’s roses are sharp enough to embed themselves in plastic.

Osouji is everything I love about the monster design on this show. Some artist looked at a novelty vacuum cleaner, said “I can make that hot,” and now we have Osouji. I love that she spends most of the episode in a bad mood while wearing this cheerful elephant on her head.

41. KYOKUBADANKO

Lemures, Ep 129

Kyokubadanko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 129. She has pale white skin with purple eye shadow, and a red afro with five braids coming off it. Her outfit consists of a black top made of diamond shapes, a black poofy dress, and purple gloves. There’s nothing really monstrous about her design, but she has the whip. Oh boy, does she have the whip.

You may see Kyokubadanko’s high rank and ask: “Is it just because of the whip?” No, it’s not just because of the whip. But it is mainly because of the whip. You’ll have to accept that the further into this list we get, the more my kinks are going to become apparent.

The thirst is building. Onto the Top 40!