Every Sailor Moon Monster of the Week, ranked by hotness: 100 - 71

100. MIRROR PAREDRI

Ep 167

The Mirror Paredri from Sailor Moon episode 167. They’re identical animated glass statues of Queen Nehelenia. A naked Nehelenia, admittedly.

These are Queen Nehelenia’s glass… minions? Avatars? It’s not clear how autonomous they are. Can she download herself into one? Because I feel like the best case scenario for dating one of these is that you’re just dating Nehelenia, only she’s made of glass now. And I dunno if I’d want to date Nehelenia. Like, there are definitely worse choices among the villains but she seems a bit high maintenance.

99. KIGURUMIKO

Lemures, Ep 133

Kigurumiko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 133. Her face is painted white, with orange around the mouth. Yeah, I’m not too keen on this clown stuff, but moving on. She’s wearing a black and pink dress with light blue leggings, and a black hood. She has a pink collar and a pink wing-like bow on her head.

Kigurumiko’s makeup is now white, blue and red, but what’s more notable is that she’s wearing a bulky pink kangaroo costume with a little waistcoat and boxing gloves. Also she has Artemis in her pouch, and he’s wearing a smaller kangaroo costume.

Kigurumiko’s perilously close to Clown Town, but she manages to obfuscate it with her fursuit. It’s better than Tobikiri Yarou’s, but still mid-tier. I’m not sold on the pink kangaroo idea, but I’m not here to judge her OC, only her hotness. Which… is worse, actually.
Yeah, so this was the episode where Diana showed up and Luna assumed Artemis had been cheating on her. Possibly with a nun? Who… then gave birth to a kitten? Hey, there’s probably records of that kind of thing happening in medieval France or something.

98. SAILOR SOMMELIER

Phage, Ep 184

Sailor Sommelier, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 184. He’s a very, very green man in a dinner jacket. The top of his head resembles a large cork in a wine bottle, and he has a huge bottle opener on his back. Also one of his arms just sort of ends in a wine bottle. Like, he’s not holding the bottle, the bottle is his hand.

Sailor Sommelier can extend his neck. A lot. It can become this snaking, prehensile thing, and in this image he’s stretching towards Minako.

Sailor Sommelier is the Phage form of a trash TV host, suggesting the guy has some lofty aspirations. I’m not keen on the telescoping neck thing, but he looks uncannily similar to Katsuhiko Jinnai, the villain from my favorite anime, El-Hazard. Jinnai isn't a green wine monster but otherwise they're pretty similar, so that gets him a few extra points.
Stars was a bit of a bleak season tonally, but this episode was extremely funny, with its running gag of almost every regular character in the show ending up in the same room.

97. BOXY

Youma, Ep 26

Boxy, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 26. He’s a boxer, with pale green skin, blonde hair and large orange wings. His eyes are red and he has a thin mustache. He wears boxing headgear, red boxing gloves and a belt with a bell at the center.

Due to a pun which only works in Japanese, Boxy is a boxer who’s also a priest. My favorite thing about this design is the prominent and stylized shading, which is very likely a reference to the way characters are drawn in shonen boxing manga. He’s fond of yelling catchphrases in English, one of which is “I am King of Kings,” which is very funny. If the Church wants to appeal more to young people, put some buff monsters in the pulpit.

96. ATSUGESSHO

Droid, Ep 61

Atsugessho, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 61. Her skin is pale green and her hair is dark green, and she has a prominent red gem on her forehead. She’s wearing an asymmetric black dress, the upper section of which is styled like a large eye shadow palette with pink, blue and green squares. On top of her head is a cylindrical gold cap resembling the top of a perfume bottle, and she holds a large red squeeze bulb that’s connected to it.

A closeup of Atsugessho. So yeah, it turns out her eyes were just drawn on with makeup, and now she’s hastily trying to draw them while holding up a hand mirror. I’m not sure how the mirror’s supposed to help because her eyes were erased, but maybe that’s why she’s drawn them back on so badly.

It’s surprising that Sailor Moon was halfway through its second season before we got a makeup monster. Atsugessho is fine, I guess, but I’m troubled by the knowledge that her face is entirely drawn on with makeup, potentially leading to some distressing makeout sessions. Still, I appreciate this kind of unnerving but very creative bit of monster design.

95. TOGETOGE JOU

Lemures, Ep 156

TogeToge Jou, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 156. We see her mostly from behind, and she has bright pink skin and green leaves for hair, with a yellow rose on top of her head. Her upper torso is also a mass of leaves, and she has light green puffy sleeves with yellow rose shoulder pads. Her lower torso is just a spiked green plant stem, coming up from her pelvis, which is a plant pot. She’s looking back skeptically while pointing at a dream mirror. Another top tier bit of monster design that leaves me feeling slightly uncomfortable.

Here’s my dilemma. I actually think TogeToge Jou is really cute. The problem is that her spine is a plant stem separating her upper and lower torso. It’s not even that it’s ugly, it just gives me anxiety. I don’t need to be reminded of the fragility of life.

94. SAILOR STEWARDESS (PINK)
93. SAILOR STEWARDESS (YELLOW)
92. SAILOR STEWARDESS (GREEN)

Phage, Ep 188

The Sailor Stewardesses, Phage from Sailor Moon episode 188. There are three of them, and they’re all dressed as flight attendants in lilac uniforms, albeit with white and red sailor collars and plane wings on their arms. The one on the left has yellow skin and orange hair, and wears a turquoise apron over her uniform. The middle one has light green skin and dark green hair, and wears a hat. The one on the right has pink skin and reddish hair, and wears a yellow inflatable life vest. They’re running at the viewer while T-posing, like they’re pretending to be planes.

Air travel in the 90s was so different. You could smoke, you could bring your own water, you could remove a flight attendant’s Star Seed and nobody batted an eye. Those were the days.
I think if you and your coworkers get turned into monsters that are representative of your self image, and you all become the same monster, that’s a sign you’re taking your job too seriously. On topic, the wing-arms are either the best or worst thing about these designs. I’m not sure which.

91. JAMANEN

Droid, Ep 65

Jamanen, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 65. She seems to be made entirely out of red goo. She has green eyes and wears a yellow and green bow tie.

Jamanen is one of two monsters on this list that I’ve seen actual porn of. She's... liquid? I’m not sure if she’s supposed to be made of any specific kind of liquid. The name suggests jam, but it’s also an anagram of “manager” in Japanese. She seems to be pretty viscous, but we see her hanging out in a wine glass while in liquid form, so I’m not sure what to make of her. Again, I’m not the biggest fan of the goo monster thing, but I think the main thing throwing me off is the bow tie. It’s just so incongruous. Is it also goo? Is this an “Odo’s combadge” situation?

90. SAILOR DIRECTOR

Phage, Ep 176

Sailor Director, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 176. She has gray skin and blonde-orange hair. Her outfit is pink and white with a green sailor collar and attached stopwatch, and her white boots have trim resembling celluloid film. She also has a celluloid film collar, and crucifix earrings. She wears bulky goggles with red and green camera filters, and one of her hands is a red megaphone, while the other is a clapperboard.

As Phage go, Sailor Director’s design is pretty on the nose. This is the other Phage design to incorporate crucifixes, which makes sense as in her non-monster form she’s a director and also a nun. I’m not Catholic anymore but I still feel fairly confident in saying that nuns probably don’t work that way, and mostly I’m disappointed at how close we came to getting Sailor Nun.

89. SAILOR ANTIQUE

Phage, Ep 186

Sailor Antique, a Phage from Sailor Moon episode 186. He’s a burly guy with light turquoise skin and a ginger mustache and beard. He’s wearing blue and gold spiked armor, with a white sailor collar that has a flower motif. He also has a red skirt, and his outfit doesn’t quite fit, so his belly is partly exposed. He also has a blue and gold Roman style helmet with a long pink crest that trails down behind him.

I think Sailor Antique epitomizes “Not my thing, but I get it” more than any other monster on this list. Because I completely understand why bears are hot, and while they don’t do it for me, I know multiple gay men who’d crawl over broken glass for this guy. Also, in terms of monetary value, this guy might have done the most damage of any single monster, even if the destruction was confined to one obscenely rich guy’s house.

88. PONKO

Lemures, Ep 144

Ponko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 144. She has pale white skin with three pink diamonds painted on her face, and dark blue hair. Her outfit is green and red, and we see her here after having eaten the Balls That Give You Boobs. You can’t see it here, but she also has a long tail.

Ponko in closeup, pointing angrily at the viewer, and her fingertip has a second angry face on it.

Ponko isn’t presented in a way that’s compatible with traditional hotness. She’s a chaos gremlin, and drawn that way. The other thing about her is that she makes her own boobs grow by swallowing balls. Something something trans woman, go ahead and write your own jokes.
Tiger’s Eye refers to Ponko as a “professional regurgitator” and I think maybe she’s also supposed to be one of those lottery machines, with her tail as the handle, which is why her magic involves her producing different balls. The fight with her has an entertaining Tuxedo Mask speech which was recited, poetry slam style, during early publicity for the new Viz dub of the show.

87. HELL ANT

Cardian, Ep 50

Hell Ant, a Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 50. She has green skin and brown petal-like protrusions on the top of her head, which have tentacles sprouting from them. She has Shingo held aloft behind her.

Hell Ant confuses me. She has some ant-like characteristics, but overall feels more Grass type than Bug type. She attacked people at a 90s VR experience, so I’m docking her a few points as I hold her personally responsible for the poor reputation of the Virtual Boy.

86. RAMUA

Youma, Ep 9

Ramua, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 9. She has pale white skin, bark blue hair, and red markings on her face. She wears a red dress and wields a giant clock hand as a weapon, which feels a bit redundant as she can also, you know, control time.

From season 2 onwards, Sailor Moon would establish time powers to be incredibly dangerous, and their usage tightly controlled. So it sucks they’d already given them to this random Youma in episode 9. I dunno, she looks like if Kiss did a guest spot in Jem and the Holograms, and while she may have only made it to number 86, she’s still the most attractive of Jadeite’s Youma by a significant margin.

85. HAIKYUN

Daimon, Ep 100

Haikyun, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 100. She has light turquoise skin with a large red circle on her face, and brown hair that’s tied back. She wears puffy black bloomers and her chest is covered by two half-volleyballs. She wears a headband that reads “kuyashii,” meaning “frustrated,” but the text on this changes frequently.

Long before Haikyuu the volleyball anime, there was Haikyun the volleyball Daimon. The puffy bloomers, the volleyball boobs, the unusual application of makeup… Haikyun is giving me real drag vibes. I’m here for this, if only as a rebuke to “trans women in sport” bullshit.

84. BURANKO

Lemures, Ep 138

Buranko, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 138. She has turquoise skin and ginger hair, and the upper half of her face is painted purple with a red diamond symbol. Her outfit is blue and black, with a white tutu and pink leggings. She’s dangling from a trapeze by her legs, and wielding a giant pair of scissors. That’s it, that’s Buranko.

Boy do I have nothing to say about Buranko. She’s a trapeze artist with a giant pair of scissors. Okay, I guess I had two things to say about Buranko. One of those character designs where just saying she was a guy would instantly make her five times hotter.

83. SHAKOUKAI

Youma, Ep 37

Shakoukai, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 37. She has light blue skin, wears a gold collar, and both her dress and her hair are made of clams of various sizes. She has a kind of statue-like vibe to her.

Shakoukai is another heavily pun-based monster. The Japanese words for “high society” and “giant clam” are similar, hence this extremely non-kosher socialite who invites you to imagine: What if the Statue of Liberty had a severe barnacle problem?

82. GARAGARA MUSUME

Lemures, Ep 150

GaraGara Musume, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 150. She has light green skin, long dark gray hair, and red snake-like eyes. Her outfit is black and red. Also the lower half of her body is an enormous red snake, probably should have led with that in retrospect.

It’s GaraGara Musume again, but now a giant red snake head has emerged from her torso. You’d think this would be distressing for her, but no, she seems quite fond of it.

How are we feeling about monsters whose lower body is a second, much larger monster? GaraGara Musume isn’t so much a snake girl as a giant snake with half a girl grafted on top. I feel like this would make any relationship a high-risk proposition.

81. DD GIRL IV (PURPLE)
80. DD GIRL II (GREEN)
79. DD GIRL I (BLUE)
78. DD GIRL V (ORANGE)
77. DD GIRL III (PINK)

Youma, Ep 45

The DD Girls, Youma from Sailor Moon episode 45. There are five of them and they don’t have individual names, but they do have numbers. All of them are insect themed with feathery white antennae and transparent wings. From left to right, we have: Number V who’s orange, with a brown outfit and markings, and gray hair. Number IV who’s purple, with a dark blue outfit and markings, and grayish-brown hair. Number I who’s light blue, with a dark blue outfit and markings, and blonde hair. Also she wears a white tiara thing. Number III who’s pink, with a red outfit and markings, and brown hair. And Number II who’s green, with a dark green outfit and markings, and dark blue hair. They look a lot nicer than they are, and they don’t really look that nice.

Here they are - the most lethal monsters in Sailor Moon. The DD Girls were named for the CC Girls, a contemporary pop group which weirdly only had four members despite there being five monsters here. I have mixed feelings towards these monsters given that, you know, they did murder four out of the five Inner Guardians (they got better). Well, leaving that aside, I guess my favorite of them is the pink one, primarily because she gives off the gayest vibes.

76. PETASOS

Youma, Ep 15

Petasos, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 15. She’s mostly plant themed but also nebulously nature themed, it was the early days of them doing this sort of monster. She has purple skin and long green hair, with antennae and white markings on her face. She has green pants and her top is made of something resembling tree bark.

It’s Sailor Moon’s first Grass type monster, from that episode where construction workers were attacked by butterflies. I don’t have a lot to say about Petasos, so I’m just gonna give her the coveted “Hottest Monster Ever to Emerge from an Old Man’s Hat” award and move on.

75. UTONBERINO

Cardian, Ep 55

Utonberino, a Cardian from Sailor Moon episode 55. She has pale white skin and a black asymmetrical outfit, and she’s themed after a bento box. I’m gonna do my best to describe what I think is going on with her design, but I’m not super familiar with the contents of the average 90s bento box, so my accuracy may not be spot on. Her hair is brown and red, and spiky… so, sea urchin, maybe? It doesn’t really look like that when it’s cooked, but it’s always given me sea urchin vibes. One one arm she’s wearing a bracer that looks like one of those tiny plastic soy sauce bottles. On one of her shoulders she looks to be wearing a giant fried shrimp, so that’s two fried shrimp monsters now, and she’s wielding chopsticks.

It’s Utonberino, the lunch-themed Cardian. There are people who associate food and sex. To those people I say… fair enough, but it’s not for me. I’m a fan of both things in isolation, sure, but frankly sex is a sticky enough prospect without introducing food to the equation.

74. PAOPAO MUSUME

Lemures, Ep 157

PaoPao Musume, a Lemures from Sailor Moon episode 157. She has pink skin and black hair, and is gliding. Her torso looks like a purple elephant face, complete with a trunk sticking out in front of her. The elephant’s ears form a large pair of wings. Her sleeves are gray, she has a red and green ball on her head, and a red and green collar.

PaoPao Musume again. Both she and her elephant body seem to be yelling.

You may remember PaoPao Musume from the episode where a small boy tried to make a bicycle-powered aircraft. Back in the episode with Ponko, where she was swallowing and regurgitating giant balls, there was a “Don’t try this at home, kids” message on the screen. This episode has no such message, so we can assume from this that the producers of Sailor Moon SuperS were fine with kids sticking wings on their bikes and riding them off a cliff.
The ears as wings are a cute Dumbo homage, but mostly I’m aware that this woman has a large appendage on the front of her body, and I’d like to remind the cis people reading this that you can’t make those jokes. Only I can make those jokes. That said… yes please.

73. MIKUJI

Daimon, Ep 90

Mikuji, a Daimon from Sailor Moon episode 90. She has gray skin and brown hair, styled to resemble large shrine bells. Her hands have been replaced with tree branches. Her outfit is red, orange and green, and her belt seems to have been carved from wood.

Mikuji is a Daimon created from a Shinto shrine’s tree, and she has some fun design elements, like the shrine bell hair. As the first Daimon to appear she was also legitimately scary, but I wish they’d done a bit more with the tree elements of her design.
Man, the Daimons seemed invincible when they first showed up. Now consider that Pink Sugar Heart Attack, Chibi Moon’s unreliable joke attack that debuts later in this season, can reliably stunlock Daimons when she pulls it off. This is why I insist that if she’d shown up in the first season, she’d have been terrifyingly overpowered, tearing through Youma like wet paper with that thing.

72. PAPILLON

Youma, Ep 42

Papillon, a Youma from Sailor Moon episode 42. She has yellow skin and red hair, with a second pair of large bug-like eyes located on either side of her head. She wears an outfit of green and purple, and enormous yellow butterfly wings sprout from her head.

I try not to let my opinions of the monsters be influenced by my feelings on their episodes, so Papillon is… fine, despite my burning hatred for her episode. The fact that her butterfly wings emerge from her head is pretty cool, though I can’t imagine it’s practical.
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Okay, let me talk about my problems with this episode. Minako’s backstory has her in London with her friends Alan and Katarina. She has a crush on Alan, but there’s no evidence he knows, and even if he does, he’s an adult and she’s 14, so yeah, it’s cute and all but not something he’d be inclined to take seriously. So this one time, it looks like Minako might have died in an explosion, and she’s actually fine, but then she sees Alan and Katarina - who think that the child in their care has just been killed - embracing in their grief. And Minako is so mad at this evidence that Alan and Katarina are in love, that she just goes back to Japan without letting them know that she’s alive. MINAKO FAKED HER OWN DEATH BECAUSE HER CRUSH COMFORTED A GRIEVING WOMAN. And on learning this, Usagi’s like, “That’s a reasonable reaction. Now that Katarina’s been transformed into a monster, do you think we should kill her?” WHAT THE HELL

71. NIPASU

Droid, Ep 62

Nipasu, a Droid from Sailor Moon episode 62. She has fair skin and green hair, and wears a traditional outfit of turquoise, blue and white. She has a large silver tiara with a blue gem in its center, and she’s surrounded by ice.

The Droids are kind of a problem for this list because a lot of them look really human, which arguably defeats the object. Nipasu here is a yuki-onna who I mostly remember getting threatened by Berthier. There’s basically nothing about her that suggests she isn’t human. Droids feel like this intermediate stage in the show’s monster design, where they’d decided they wanted to make them hot, but hadn’t figured out how to pair that with monster-like features yet. Reasonably cute and not particularly monstrous.